As some of you know I used to be a manufacturers’ rep. I would sell electronics to retails stores, like Circuit City, Crutchfiled, etc. One year, must have been 99 – 01, one of our vendors had a rep conference in Orlando. Now, these conferences were professional during the day. You would learn about federal trade regulations and products, give out awards, etc. This particular year, we won Rep of The Year, which was a big deal. I personally got a $2500 bonus, which was ton of money for me at that time, plus I knew that I would get a lot of press.
At night, it was crazy! Imagine, a bunch of married sales guys away from their families. They would get extra fucked up and do stupid stuff. One night several of us went to this little bar at a local hotel that had a DJ. It was myself, my boss / partner, the rep from Chicago, the rep for the Carolinas, and a few other guys. These were pretty nutty guys and fun to hang out with. We drove our rental car which was a white Chrysler convertible with tan interior (remember these details). So we were all hanging out and drinking A LOT. Most of these guys were in their 50's and I was in my early 30's, so they wanted to roll out early. I met these two HOT ass Ethiopian girls. Now let's pause for a minute, so I can let you know that I think Ethiopian girls are the most beautiful women on the planet (other than Bulgarians of course). They are this killer mix of African, European, and Middle Eastern. Actually the entire culture and history is pretty interesting. Me and the guy from NC were dancing with them for a while when my boss came over and said, he was going back to the hotel and that I could keep the rental (which we valeted). He said to have fun, but not to drink too much because we had an early meeting. He was cool like that; big perv himself. He rolled out with the other older guys.
After a half an hour or so, the girls said they were staying close and asked us if we wanted to go to their place… Uh yeah! So we went to the valet, and told him I was driving a white Chrysler convertible, and he returned with the car after a few min. We jumped in and started going back to their place. In the meantime the NC rep chickened out and wanted to go back to his hotel. I didn’t care, I thought maybe both girls would be down! We pulled up to his hotel and as he was getting out I said, "Dude don’t forget your coat" He said “That’s not my coat, Todd”. All of a sudden I realized, ”Wait; Our car had tan interior! This one has blue. Fuck! This is not our car!” I was a mile away from being knee deep in some pussy! I mean, what am I going to do? We had an early meeting with a new local vendor and we needed our car, but I knew that these girls may change their minds. They were Ethiopian, and how many chances I was going to have to check off that box? Fuck! So, I drove back to the bar, explain the situation to the valet. The guy said, he cannot find our car and that he must have messed up and given it to the other party. I looked in the glove box and found the rental agreement. On it was the person’s name and hotel. I called the hotel and asked for their room. I left a message and said "I think I may have your rental car and you have mine. I was at xxx bar tonight and I think you were there also. It’s late and I am going to bed (yeah right!). Call me tomorrow and we will switch back." Cool right? So, I went to this girls place. The one girl went to bed, but the other girl stayed up. She was silly hot, really! She had these white lace panties and bra on that contrasted with her dark skin (getting a boner thinking about it! ) We were fooling around and then she drops the bomb. BTW I just started my period! FUCK! What do to?… What to do? Got it. Anal! So what happened next you ask?.... Really? that’s a stupid question, I fucked her in the ass! Of course, why not? A while later I went back to my hotel. I went to bed for a few hours; woke up very fuzzy, with a hangover (not too bad); told my boss about fucking the girl in the ass and the rental, then we headed off to our meeting.
On the way the lady that has the car calls and starts yelling at me for taking her car. I was like, "Lady relax God Damn! You have my car! I went back to the bar and the valet said he gave you my car. I found the rental agreement and left you a message. I'll be back in a few hours and we will switch back, I will come to where you are." Here is the bad part. She didn’t have my car. She never had it. She went to get her car and it was just gone. She said "Well, I need my car now!"; however, we were on our way to a meeting that may have been worth millions of dollars in sales, so I told her she would have to wait.
A few hours later I show up at her hotel. I called her and waited down stairs. Then three cops came around the corner slammed me on the ground and hand cuffed me. Then sat me on the curb! Not shit, I couldn’t make this stuff up! The lady was yelling at me saying I stole her car. I explained to the cop what happened and he told me just to be quite and let him think. The valet people were also there and they had found our car. Turns out the parking lot was full, so he parked it around back and never saw the keys (thanks asshole!) The cop explained "You seem like an ok guy, but once you took the car back to the valet and didn’t leave it, you stole the car because you knew it was not yours". I said, "Yeah, but I was trying to do the right thing! I even left a message at her hotel, I assumed she had my car". The cop then explained that the lady was super pissed and that he will have to arrest me for grand theft, which was a felony and I would not get bail, because I was out of state! Holly Shit! I thought, I was going to pass out! He said, the fact that I didn’t have my car had nothing to do with the fact I took hers; that if I had just taken it and not told the valet or left a message, I would be cool. So that’s it! I was going to jail!
I had just bought a two tone Submariner with a certi dial. I took it off along with a gold chain (hey don’t laugh, gold chains were still cool then). I gave them, along with my wallet to my boss. That was that, I was going to jail, I would be ass raped and I would have to join a gang to get by in prison. My life was over. All because I fucked this Ethiopian girl in the ass! (There are worse reasons to go to jail). My boss who also didn’t want to see me get arrested, because I ran the entire sales team and made him a lot of money, went over and talked to the lady. After about 20 min and some currency changing hands she said, if I apologized she would not press charges. Now, I have a difficult time swallowing my pride and apologizing especially when I think I am not wrong, but given the choice of swallowing my pride and being raped in prison, I apologized. A lot! She told the cop to let me go, we jumped in our car and headed out of there!
For the next 5 years I was known by the manufacturer and other reps as the guy that stole the car at the rep meeting. ( I sold a lot of stuff, so they really didn’t give a shit) Even when the Japanese from the company would see me they would say, " Oh Todd son, you stole car in Florida! Why you do that?" They never forgot that until the day I left! This was not the only time I made a bad decision to get some ass!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
My First Time
I decided to start a blog that I will update occasionally about all of the crazy stuff we find ourselves involved in as the owners of LoveVoodoo. Some good, some bad, but it’s rarely dull! I can guarantee you that this blog will be full of spelling mistakes, punctuation errors, run on sentences, and basically just plan grammatically incorrect. You may also get to the end and think, "What was the point of that blog? I think, I just wasted 15 min of my life which I will never get back! Damn, I hate Todd!" But hey it's my God damn blog…You don’t have to read it!
I have been thinking recently, why I am such a big pervert and how I got involved in swinging in the first place. I think it started when I was 16. I grew up in Wheaton, Maryland which is a pretty shitty suburb of D.C. In 70's and 80's, Wheaton was the type of place were the repetitive dull thumping sound of the Maryland State Police helicopter flying over the neighborhood and an occasional gunshot would help me fall asleep! There was a family from Ecuador living next to us and their cousins (two twins) would come over occasionally to visit. I think they were a year younger than me. They used to hang around a bunch of rough dudes in their early 20's smoking weed down at the creek by the end of our street, and occasionally hung out with the Pagans, who had converted a house a few doors down to a biker club house. The Pagans are another story. They had mattresses and a couch in the front yard which they would lay around smoking weed and drinking on all day, then race their bikes up the street. The had names, like Blood, Bones, etc. All in all though they were good guys and watched out for the neighborhood kids!
Ok, Back to the main story. Basically these two young ladies were future strippers in training (nothing against strippers, I am a big fan!). So one day they called me over to the rusty chain link fence that separated our two yards and said pretty directly, "If you can get some alcohol, we will let you see us naked". Really! They said it just like that! Now, at this point in my life, I was jerking off so much, I was beginning to pull out knee cartilage. My mom couldn’t figure out why I was going through 8 pairs of socks for every one pair of pants. Given this generous offer I was on a mission! In needed alcohol. So, I went up to Party Time and Elby's beer and wine in Wheaton (both still in business), and begged people to buy me alcohol; however, it was not to be. Finally, Elby himself came out and said he called the police, so I went home. Then it came to me! I went down to the bikers house and took some empty Bartle's and James wine cooler bottles out of their trash. I took them home washed them, filled them with Orange Juice, straightened the lids and knocked them back on with a plastic mallet. I then went down to the creek (this is the one place we were not supposed to go). This creek went through these huge concrete tunnels that were at least 6ft in diameter. The tunnels were a haven for every bad kid in the Glenmont / Wheaton area. I hid the fake coolers in a smaller tunnel off of the main. I went home and told "The Twins" that I had wine coolers. Now this was probably 84 or so, and every girl loved wine coolers then! They went to the creek with me and into the tunnels. I got the coolers out and they began to pound them. Then they said that they felt light-headed and thought they drank too much! (yeah too much orange juice!) So I said, "Well it's your turn", so they pulled their shirts up and showed me their tits. This was HUGE, because the only tits I had ever seen were on Super TV & HBO which my dad was stealing (Everyone was stealing everything in Wheaton). I thought I was going to pass out. Then one, not sure which pulled down her shorts at the same time and showed me everything, while the other one gave me a blow job. So, 4 seconds later, when we were finished we went home! Occasionally, over the next 4 years, I hooked up with one or the other of them but never both.
I know what you are asking, "Todd what the fuck does this have to do with swinging?" My point is that my first sexual experience was twins! Seriously, come on give me some props! Twins! In retrospect, I guess, I could have just said that from the beginning, but it's too late for that now. Point is, that experience set the bar pretty high right off the bat. I think that is what planted the seed, turned me into a great big perv, and then eventually we opened LoveVoodoo. I guess, if we ever make Millions, I should find the twins and give them some commission!
More to come!
I have been thinking recently, why I am such a big pervert and how I got involved in swinging in the first place. I think it started when I was 16. I grew up in Wheaton, Maryland which is a pretty shitty suburb of D.C. In 70's and 80's, Wheaton was the type of place were the repetitive dull thumping sound of the Maryland State Police helicopter flying over the neighborhood and an occasional gunshot would help me fall asleep! There was a family from Ecuador living next to us and their cousins (two twins) would come over occasionally to visit. I think they were a year younger than me. They used to hang around a bunch of rough dudes in their early 20's smoking weed down at the creek by the end of our street, and occasionally hung out with the Pagans, who had converted a house a few doors down to a biker club house. The Pagans are another story. They had mattresses and a couch in the front yard which they would lay around smoking weed and drinking on all day, then race their bikes up the street. The had names, like Blood, Bones, etc. All in all though they were good guys and watched out for the neighborhood kids!
Ok, Back to the main story. Basically these two young ladies were future strippers in training (nothing against strippers, I am a big fan!). So one day they called me over to the rusty chain link fence that separated our two yards and said pretty directly, "If you can get some alcohol, we will let you see us naked". Really! They said it just like that! Now, at this point in my life, I was jerking off so much, I was beginning to pull out knee cartilage. My mom couldn’t figure out why I was going through 8 pairs of socks for every one pair of pants. Given this generous offer I was on a mission! In needed alcohol. So, I went up to Party Time and Elby's beer and wine in Wheaton (both still in business), and begged people to buy me alcohol; however, it was not to be. Finally, Elby himself came out and said he called the police, so I went home. Then it came to me! I went down to the bikers house and took some empty Bartle's and James wine cooler bottles out of their trash. I took them home washed them, filled them with Orange Juice, straightened the lids and knocked them back on with a plastic mallet. I then went down to the creek (this is the one place we were not supposed to go). This creek went through these huge concrete tunnels that were at least 6ft in diameter. The tunnels were a haven for every bad kid in the Glenmont / Wheaton area. I hid the fake coolers in a smaller tunnel off of the main. I went home and told "The Twins" that I had wine coolers. Now this was probably 84 or so, and every girl loved wine coolers then! They went to the creek with me and into the tunnels. I got the coolers out and they began to pound them. Then they said that they felt light-headed and thought they drank too much! (yeah too much orange juice!) So I said, "Well it's your turn", so they pulled their shirts up and showed me their tits. This was HUGE, because the only tits I had ever seen were on Super TV & HBO which my dad was stealing (Everyone was stealing everything in Wheaton). I thought I was going to pass out. Then one, not sure which pulled down her shorts at the same time and showed me everything, while the other one gave me a blow job. So, 4 seconds later, when we were finished we went home! Occasionally, over the next 4 years, I hooked up with one or the other of them but never both.
I know what you are asking, "Todd what the fuck does this have to do with swinging?" My point is that my first sexual experience was twins! Seriously, come on give me some props! Twins! In retrospect, I guess, I could have just said that from the beginning, but it's too late for that now. Point is, that experience set the bar pretty high right off the bat. I think that is what planted the seed, turned me into a great big perv, and then eventually we opened LoveVoodoo. I guess, if we ever make Millions, I should find the twins and give them some commission!
More to come!
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